ABUSE: Information Every Woman Needs
Dear Friends,
Abuse is not a pleasant topic but sadly it is a reality. When I've been invited to add a message on this topic at women's retreats, I've been astonished by the stories many women share with me. I am no longer astonished, just very sad. Women who have shared with me have also urged me to talk about this for the sake of others who suffer. Please know I am a safe person to talk to if you should identify with this article, Poppy
When Dan slapped Wendy for the first time, both were shocked. After all, they were Christians! But after it happened repeatedly, Wendy saw that there was a typical cycle.
Here’s some information every woman needs. The abuse cycle has seven stages that can be tracked by women in abusive relationships. They are also recognized by those who counsel with them (To be fair, a percentage of men are abused by women, but for this post I will refer to the man as the abusive partner. Also, not all domestic abuse leads to planned physical and sexual attack.)
1. Rising tension, irritability, fault-finding, and anger often precedes verbal, physical, and other forms of abuse. This attack is intended to assert power and control.
2. Guilt often follows, particularly at first. There are apologies, promises never to do it again, giving of gifts. Later this typically diminishes when he sees that his partner is willing to stay. He fears others might discover his behavior so threatens his wife if she tells “their” secret.
3. He rationalizes and justifies his behavior by saying it was her fault. Often, she believes this and makes excuses for him: he was tired, dinner wasn’t ready, she’s not meeting his needs. She rationalizes that he’s really nice except for those occasions when he’s out of control.
4. Between abusive episodes, the appearance is often given by both partners that everything is normal between them. Because of shame, fear, or love, both act as if nothing happened.
5. When the tension mounts again, the abuser starts to build a case by focusing on what he doesn’t like and how he’s justified in asserting his power again.
6. At this point, he often starts planning when and where to show who is in control. He considers what situation would create the desired effect.
7. He sets up the situation to attack, often escalating from verbal and emotional destructive behaviors to physical and sexual.
DOES A MAN HAVE ANY SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO ATTACK HIS WIFE? NO!
Christ told men to love their wives as He loves the church and gave Himself for it. Ephesians 5:25-33
IT IS ALSO AGAINST THE LAW TO ASSAULT ANYONE, including a spouse!
Question: If you need help, contact ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services) at 866-262-9284 for support and guidance. Or contact me.
Prayerfully ask God how He wants you to use this information so others can experience God’s love for them.
Poppy
Here’s some information every woman needs. The abuse cycle has seven stages that can be tracked by women in abusive relationships. They are also recognized by those who counsel with them (To be fair, a percentage of men are abused by women, but for this post I will refer to the man as the abusive partner. Also, not all domestic abuse leads to planned physical and sexual attack.)
1. Rising tension, irritability, fault-finding, and anger often precedes verbal, physical, and other forms of abuse. This attack is intended to assert power and control.
2. Guilt often follows, particularly at first. There are apologies, promises never to do it again, giving of gifts. Later this typically diminishes when he sees that his partner is willing to stay. He fears others might discover his behavior so threatens his wife if she tells “their” secret.
3. He rationalizes and justifies his behavior by saying it was her fault. Often, she believes this and makes excuses for him: he was tired, dinner wasn’t ready, she’s not meeting his needs. She rationalizes that he’s really nice except for those occasions when he’s out of control.
4. Between abusive episodes, the appearance is often given by both partners that everything is normal between them. Because of shame, fear, or love, both act as if nothing happened.
5. When the tension mounts again, the abuser starts to build a case by focusing on what he doesn’t like and how he’s justified in asserting his power again.
6. At this point, he often starts planning when and where to show who is in control. He considers what situation would create the desired effect.
7. He sets up the situation to attack, often escalating from verbal and emotional destructive behaviors to physical and sexual.
DOES A MAN HAVE ANY SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO ATTACK HIS WIFE? NO!
Christ told men to love their wives as He loves the church and gave Himself for it. Ephesians 5:25-33
IT IS ALSO AGAINST THE LAW TO ASSAULT ANYONE, including a spouse!
Question: If you need help, contact ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services) at 866-262-9284 for support and guidance. Or contact me.
Prayerfully ask God how He wants you to use this information so others can experience God’s love for them.
Poppy
Looking for more? Find articles on the following topics by clicking each word:
Abuse
Anger
Self Talk
Marriage
Relationship Troubles
Relationships
Spiritual Support