What is Domestic Abuse?
In her excellent and biblically-based book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, author and counselor, Leslie Vernick states truths every woman needs to hear. Here are a few statements from her book for you to think about, pray over, and share with others who need support:“Women and wives are depicted in the Gospel as equal partners and persons to love, not objects to use or property to own.” “Your will is one of God’s gifts to you, and a good relationship with someone is impossible when one of you lacks the power to choose.”“Start to ask yourself, ‘Does this choice I’m making right now lead me toward greater growth and maturity or more destruction?’ As Moses encouraged the Israelites – choose life!” Deut. 30:19, 20.“Allowing someone to continually sin against us without protest or consequence isn’t biblical love, its enabling foolishness. It is never in anyone’s long-term best interest to allow them to keep sinning.”Ephesians 5:25-33 tells men to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it. There is no Biblical support for a man to abuse the one he promised, before God, to love and care for. It is also against the law in the USA to assault anyone – including a wife and children.The following actions are subtle ways abuse begins:
He retaliates against you for complaining about his behavior,
He gives apologies that sound insincere or angry and demands you accept them.
He blames you for the impact of his behavior.
He undermines your progress in life verbally or by limiting your choices.
He denies what he did.
He touches you in anger or puts you in fear in other ways.
He is controlling, disrespectful, or uses degrading behavior.
(Quotes from Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft)HOW CAN YOU HELP?If a friend or relative comes to you, be sure to:
Provide a safe place to talk. Keep confidences!
Listen carefully. Believe her story.
Give resources to read (Visit Leslie Vernick’s website.) Encourage her to call ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services) 503-846-9284 or visit www.abuserecovery.org
Ask her to call you when she’s read the information available.
Don’t talk to her husband. You might mean well but this can jeopardize her safety.
Do not suggest couple’s counseling—she might say nothing in order to not jeopardize her safety.
Be available to listen and comfort. Abuse is not her fault.
Give assurance: God cares for you and will direct your path. (Psalm 34:18, Proverbs 3:5-6).
Don’t pressure her. Let her decide if and when she will leave.
Support and respect her choices.
Encourage her to make a safety plan.
Domestic abuse is a painful topic and an even more painful situation to deal with. My prayer is that you will get educated and equipped to know what initial steps to take should you, or someone you know, be in this situation.If I can be of help in some way, please contact me.With love in Christ who respected and honored the women He encountered,Poppy
For more help, check out my book,
It has chapters on Communication, Conflict, and other helpful topics for difficult relationships.
I’d love to autograph your copy when you order HERE.
Photo Credit: Graphic Stock photo