Want to Thrive in your Midlife and Senior Years? Cultivate Life-giving Friendships!

God created us to need people in our lives! 

One of the first comments about our need for community is Genesis 2:18 “It is not good for man (or woman) to be alone.” This doesn’t mean that every man or woman needs to be married—but it does mean we all need connection with other people. 

Here are some reasons why:

1. God made us this way—It is not good to be alone.
   1. Research and experience show that developing strong and lasting friendships is critical for emotional and mental wellness
2. Life-giving friendships:
   1. Reduce stress, promote happiness, and improve our physical wellbeing.
   2. Reduce our risk of illness by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol.
   3. Help us live longer—women who have the most friends cut their risk of early death by more than 60%
   4. Help us live better. We’re less likely to develop physical impairments and more likely to enjoy our lives.
   5. Help us navigate life’s biggest stressors: losing a spouse, a child, or going through a divorce. Research has shown that women who have close friends or confidantes are more likely to survive these experiences without new or permanent physical problems or long-term depression.

Who you spend time with can have a huge impact on how you face life, both now and in the coming years.

As you reflect on your current friendships, here’s some questions to ask yourself:

• Who encourages me when I share with them?
• Who believes in me and inspires me to step into something new?
• Who challenges me to examine my attitude or assumptions?
• Who makes me laugh, shares positive memories, loves me?
• Who reminds me to trust that God is good and is with me?

I met my now deceased friend, Carol Porter, many years ago when she gathered a group of women together in Chicago to draft one of the early books on women’s ministry. Appropriately called, A Women’s Ministry Handbook, Carol assigned us certain chapter topics according to our ministry experience and strengths. Having recently left teaching in Bible Study Fellowship, my chapters were on speaking and small group leadership. A few years later, six of us became a travelling teaching team, going to various cities to give conferences on how to minister to women. Carol was always the leader—deservedly so.   

Carol had qualities that marked her life and impacted her friends deeply. Knowing her was life-giving and life-changing. Here’s why:

• She had a thirst to grow, she recommended books, shared insights, pointed to helpful resources (Proverbs 13:20)
• She always encouraged--pointing to the love and faithfulness of God (Proverbs 17:17)
• She modeled her passion—taking time to teach, listen, and disciple women who sought her out (Malachi 3:16)
• She studied hard—reading, studying Greek, and taking classes that equipped her for God’s work (2 Timothy 2:15)
• She loved her husband, sons, and grandchildren deeply, relating to them with wisdom and joy (Titus 2:3-5)
• She was highly energetic, channeling her energy into what was worthwhile (Proverbs 31)
• She cared about those who needed support and equipping--pioneering a ministry to women leaders in Eastern Europe and equipping them to reach others

Not everyone can be like Carol, and I’m certainly not. We are each God’s unique design, but let me ask you two questions:

1. Who would you say are your good friends?
2. Are these friends, the women you spend the most time with, life-giving? How do they inspire you to grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually—and to laugh and enjoy all the many blessings God surrounds you with?
3. How are you, or could you be, this kind of friend to them?

We are shaped and impacted in so many ways by our friendships.
 
Could the Holy Spirit be calling all of us to pray about being the kind of friend who impacts and inspires others to live for Him?
 
Poppy