BITTERNESS: Protection, Poison, or Pathway to Growth?
“Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil”
Ephesians 4:26-27
Hurt, Anger, Bitterness are emotions most of us experience from time to time.
Whether our bitterness takes root, spreading poison in our souls, is a choice we alone make.
I faced this choice at an earlier time in my life. Words were said to me in front of others that were both cruel and untrue. My immediate reaction was shock, embarrassment, and a fight to not break down in tears.
It took me three months of pouring out my hurt to God, often in tears, before I was emotionally able to do what Jesus says: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault just between the two of you” Matthew 18:15. We did talk, but the trust between us stayed broken.
I knew I could go to others who would immediately comfort me and be angry with this person. I also knew that division was a tool of the Evil One and I wanted no part in that happening. Instead, the Holy Spirit gave me a constant prayer: Please don’t let me allow Satan a victory in my life by being bitter or causing division.
Whether our bitterness takes root, spreading poison in our souls, is a choice we alone make.
I faced this choice at an earlier time in my life. Words were said to me in front of others that were both cruel and untrue. My immediate reaction was shock, embarrassment, and a fight to not break down in tears.
It took me three months of pouring out my hurt to God, often in tears, before I was emotionally able to do what Jesus says: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault just between the two of you” Matthew 18:15. We did talk, but the trust between us stayed broken.
I knew I could go to others who would immediately comfort me and be angry with this person. I also knew that division was a tool of the Evil One and I wanted no part in that happening. Instead, the Holy Spirit gave me a constant prayer: Please don’t let me allow Satan a victory in my life by being bitter or causing division.
When others hurt us, attack our reputation, or accuse us of attitudes or motives we never had, we face at least three choices: Protecting our hearts from greater pain, poisoning our hearts with bitterness, or intentionally choosing the harder Path of Growth through forgiveness.
Let’s look at these:
Choice 1: Protecting our hearts from greater pain: Strangely, bitterness and resentment can be emotionally comforting, soothing our raw feelings of being falsely blamed, disliked, ghosted and rejected. As one friend said, “Bitterness tells me not to try anymore, to quit caring or praying for those who hurt me.”
Let’s look at these:
Choice 1: Protecting our hearts from greater pain: Strangely, bitterness and resentment can be emotionally comforting, soothing our raw feelings of being falsely blamed, disliked, ghosted and rejected. As one friend said, “Bitterness tells me not to try anymore, to quit caring or praying for those who hurt me.”
Bitterness protects you from the pain of longing when the offender continues to show no willingness to heal the rift.
Choice 2: Poisoning your heart with justified bitterness: Our human thinking shouts: Why shouldn’t I stay bitter? After all, they abused me, she hurt my feelings, he told lies about me. No one can expect me to let it go! So, we continue to let the poison spread, allowing it to infect our heart, our attitudes, our view of people, the church, or whomever we associate with what we suffered.
Choice 3: Embracing the Path of Growth through forgiveness:
Here are four things (among many) that FORGIVNESS IS NOT:
It means: Gratefully recognizing, YOU have been forgiven at a great price! Ephesians 1:3-8, 4:29-32. Colossians 1:14.
In response to God’s forgiveness, ask for His help to do what is humanly so difficult:
I’m praying these thoughts help those of you struggling with deep hurts and wounds. May the God of all Compassion, the God of Grace, draw you close today, freeing you from the poison of lingering bitterness.
Blessings,
Poppy
Choice 3: Embracing the Path of Growth through forgiveness:
Here are four things (among many) that FORGIVNESS IS NOT:
- Forgiveness is NOT MINIMIZING the wrong done to you.
- Forgiveness does not mean that what happened to you is right or acceptable.
- Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Restored trust must be earned and takes time.
- Forgiveness does not mean allowing yourself to be mistreated again. Healthy boundaries can be learned and maintained.
It means: Gratefully recognizing, YOU have been forgiven at a great price! Ephesians 1:3-8, 4:29-32. Colossians 1:14.
In response to God’s forgiveness, ask for His help to do what is humanly so difficult:
- Release your desire to hurt back and get revenge
- Let go of what is causing you toxic stress, affecting your health
- Cancel the debt – wanting them to pay for how they treated you!
- Let go of the simmering grudge, resentment, or anger you hold
- Forgive, let it go, and no longer nurse a victim mentality
- Hard as it is, write a raw, honest, account of what happened. How you responded. How you continue to feel. Journaling releases what is bottled up and brings relief. Then write FORGIVEN!
- Burn or tear up what you wrote. It is between you and God
- Seek someone safe to listen, pray, and help you move forward
I’m praying these thoughts help those of you struggling with deep hurts and wounds. May the God of all Compassion, the God of Grace, draw you close today, freeing you from the poison of lingering bitterness.
Blessings,
Poppy