Good Guys? Bad Guys? How Can You Tell the Difference? Part 2
James and Phyllis Alsdurf, the authors of Battered into Submission, conservatively estimate that "for every sixty married women in the church, ten suffer emotional and verbal abuse, and two or three will be physically abused by their husbands."
They discovered that most abused women do not seek help within their church. Those who do frequently find skepticism rather than sympathy, and they are advised to go home and be a better wife. The victim receives the blame and often becomes the accused.
"Christian misogynists [men who hate women] reveal their disrespect for women in a variety of ways," states Dr. Margaret Rinck. "Often the Bible, church doctrine and theological arguments are used to support their right to control women."
She further states that this type of man “demands submission to his viewpoint. He discounts his wife’s feelings, opinions and thoughts. He acts charmingly one moment, then hostile and cruel the next. He frequently points out his wife’s faults. He is unable to perceive his own shortcomings in the relationship.”
Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is honoring who God has made you! Whether you are single, a parent, a friend or someone responsible for counseling and shepherding women, knowing these 12 Red Flags will help you discern someone’s true character.
They discovered that most abused women do not seek help within their church. Those who do frequently find skepticism rather than sympathy, and they are advised to go home and be a better wife. The victim receives the blame and often becomes the accused.
"Christian misogynists [men who hate women] reveal their disrespect for women in a variety of ways," states Dr. Margaret Rinck. "Often the Bible, church doctrine and theological arguments are used to support their right to control women."
She further states that this type of man “demands submission to his viewpoint. He discounts his wife’s feelings, opinions and thoughts. He acts charmingly one moment, then hostile and cruel the next. He frequently points out his wife’s faults. He is unable to perceive his own shortcomings in the relationship.”
Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is honoring who God has made you! Whether you are single, a parent, a friend or someone responsible for counseling and shepherding women, knowing these 12 Red Flags will help you discern someone’s true character.
12 RED FLAGS TO WATCH FOR:
- His mother was abused by his father, verbally or physically.
- He has a love/hate relationship with his mother.
- He has frequent outbursts of temper, blaming others, refusing to take responsibility or exercise self-control.
- He gets angry if you don’t take his advice or if you question his decisions.
- He is jealous and suspicious of your friends. He tries to isolate you from friends and family.
- He wants you with him or needs to know where you are, and with whom. He tries to restrict your activities and freedom.
- He tries to push you into sexual activities against your will.
- He tells you his forcible behavior is “for your good.” If you were more submissive, he says all would be fine between you.
- He has rigid ideas about how a woman should act, dress, and respond. Also, about what roles are acceptable for women.
- Like Jekyll and Hyde, he can be lots of fun but also frightening at other times.
- When he doesn’t get his way he yells, screams, threatens (possibly suicide), calls you names or sulks in angry silence.
- He often promises to change his behavior. (This hooks some women who believe that if he would only become a Christian or yield himself to God, he would change.)
TAKE TIME TO SEE THE SIGNS
It is vital that a woman take sufficient time to observe a potential husband in various situations. If possible, visit his home often. Watch his responses to stress. Note his attitudes and comments regarding women. Observe how he speaks about and treats his mother.
Above all, look for evidence of spiritual hunger and responsiveness to God. Can you see the fruit of the Spirit in his life? (Gal 5:22-23) Is he truthful, tender-hearted and forgiving? (Eph 4:25-32) Does the Word of Christ richly dwell within him and result in a thankful and joyful spirit? (Col 3:16)
There are good guys and there are bad buys, even in the Christian community. But by prayerful dependence on the Holy Spirit, heeding the counsel of wise family members and mature Christian friends, discerning between the two can often be discovered before the wedding day.
If you’d like a free, confidential, time to talk, please email me at poppy@poppysmith.com
Praying this content reaches any who need it.
Poppy
It is vital that a woman take sufficient time to observe a potential husband in various situations. If possible, visit his home often. Watch his responses to stress. Note his attitudes and comments regarding women. Observe how he speaks about and treats his mother.
Above all, look for evidence of spiritual hunger and responsiveness to God. Can you see the fruit of the Spirit in his life? (Gal 5:22-23) Is he truthful, tender-hearted and forgiving? (Eph 4:25-32) Does the Word of Christ richly dwell within him and result in a thankful and joyful spirit? (Col 3:16)
There are good guys and there are bad buys, even in the Christian community. But by prayerful dependence on the Holy Spirit, heeding the counsel of wise family members and mature Christian friends, discerning between the two can often be discovered before the wedding day.
If you’d like a free, confidential, time to talk, please email me at poppy@poppysmith.com
Praying this content reaches any who need it.
Poppy
Using Scripture, humor, and colorful illustrations from her own struggles, Poppy Smith offers hope in this upbeat, personal, practical, biblically grounded, and empathetic book. Why Can't He Be More Like Me? will help women analyze areas of marital conflict by reviewing their backgrounds, parenting personalities, expectations, needs, and reactions. Each chapter provides practical tools to help women learn to accept and enjoy their mate, resulting in a strengthened relationship, better communication, and deeper understanding of each other.
My book, Why Can't He Be More Like Me?: 9 Secrets to Understanding Your Husband, is $4.99 on Kindle!